CULLEN SHARES HIS MIRACLE OF HOPE

At a young age, I recall being amazed when first learning about the effects of drugs and alcohol. It seemed magical how a plant, powder, or liquid could significantly alter your state of mind. I had my first drink when I was a freshman in high school. Shortly after, I tried marijuana. Obtaining and using these substances soon became my main focus. Everything else in my life took a back seat. 

Looking back, by the time I was a sophomore in high school I was in full blown addiction. The brain of an addict categorizes substances, along with food, water, and oxygen as vital for survival. My time in school was filled with one problem after another. Consistently declining grades. More suspensions than I could count. I only graduated because my school removed me from the general population and put me in an after-hours program designed to push kids like me through. 

After high school, I got a job with a masonry company. I loved it and I was a natural, but my sole motivation was earning enough to support my lifestyle. I thought, I’m just young and living a fun, carefree lifestyle.

At some point, I moved on to harder drugs.  A little cocaine at a party, or an e-pill before a night out with friends. I tried acid and mushrooms. I tried all the synthetic stuff they sold at gas stations. None of these things really did it for me though. So, after a while, I decided to stick with what I liked. I would smoke weed all day and get drunk at night. This was my daily routine, and at this point, life still seemed fun. 

There were problems though. I was still getting into trouble, but instead of my parents or teachers, it was with the police: A DUI, drug possession charges, and trespassing and disorderly conduct charges.

I was on and off with the mason I worked for, trying to find a better-paying job - one of which landed me on a commercial fishing boat with a friend.  He was using a drug that I had never tried before – Percocet. Within a month, I was hooked. As my use went up, I couldn’t afford the amount of Percocet I needed, but my body and mind were now dependent on this pill. 

I found myself hanging around a whole new crowd of people and going to places I had never been. One day someone gave me heroin. I remember being nervous at first. They assured me that it felt just like Percocet. They were right, and at a fraction of the cost, heroin became my new drug of choice. A short time later I tried crack cocaine and it became a close second. I had a new daily routine. This was an ugly one. 

Soon, I turned to a life of crime, no longer working at all. I lied and manipulated. I stole from stores and my family countless times. I robbed people and broke into homes. I carried an illegal firearm, afraid of the people that I surrounded myself with. Life was not fun anymore. I was ashamed, but I felt like there was no way out.

Addiction will bring you to places that you never thought you would go. I continued to rack up dozens of charges. I went to jail three times. I lived in homeless shelters twice until being kicked out for using. I lived on the streets, wearing the same clothes for weeks at a time. I saw men and women prostitute themselves for a fix. I watched friends overdose and worst of all, I have seen so many people taken away by this disease that it is hard for me to keep track. 

Everyone’s journey to recovery is unique. I believe it starts with a fierce inner desire and dedication to get better, but in many, if not most cases, that is not enough. When I look back at my journey and that of others, there are similar factors that led to our success. One of the first things they teach you in any rehab or AA group is that you need to change the people, places, and things in your life. My ability to make these changes, along with the proper education about addiction, is what led to my success. Enders Island gave me all of that when nothing else could. 

Father Tom created a plan for me. He got me into a detox program. From there, he flew me to Arizona and got me into one of the country’s best rehab facilities. I spent 30 days attending classes, group meetings, and individual therapy. We met with a myriad of doctors, therapists, and counselors. I learned about the negative effects that drugs and alcohol had taken on my brain. It would take many months, if not years, to repair the damage done by these substances. 

Once I completed rehab, I flew back to CT and went directly to Enders Island. Father Tom provided me with clothes, the basic necessities for self-care, and access to health care. Once settled in, Father Tom entered me into a 6-week IOP program. I learned that when I failed to stay sober in the past, it was partly because I was substituting one substance for another - continuing to numb myself instead of building the skills and coping mechanisms to maintain long-term sobriety.

Over time, I began recovering. I got a job working in the maintenance department and routinely exercised at the local YMCA. I had weekly meetings to outline a business plan for the company I would later start. Every night I went to different AA or NA meetings in the area. 

One of my biggest concerns in early sobriety was that life would be boring. How would I ever enjoy things without substances? Father Tom helped show me that wasn’t the case. I was enjoying everything so much more with a clear mind – games at Fenway Park and trips to New York City. 

Father Tom does a lot for the recovery program, but he is not alone. At Enders Island, you are immersed in a community that takes you in like family. Every member of the staff is supportive and there for you - from the housekeepers to the office and kitchen staff to the maintenance workers - they all make you feel comfortable and important. They embrace people with addiction. If we, as a society, could come together to help people as they do at Enders, there would be far less suffering and more healing. Addicts need help now more than ever.

Before I got to Enders Island, someone might have described me as a criminal or a junky. Today, I am five years sober and I own and operate a successful business. I employ multiple people. I have my family back, and I have their trust and respect. I am proud of who I am.  

Last year, I got engaged to my fiancé Celeste. She is the most incredible human I have ever met. We bought our first home and earlier this year we had our first child; our beautiful daughter, Stevie, is a true gift. The only reason I have any of these things is because I have my sobriety. Enders Island gave me the people, places, and things I needed to recover. It gave me my life back! 

*Cullen shared this story with friends of Enders Island at its annual fundraising dinner, “Holy Smoke! Reserva XIV” in June.